Thursday, June 11, 2015


You Should Drop Out

I had this horrible sensation in my stomach when I came to terms with my circumstances recently. It was the most powerful realization I've had in recent years. All of my energy and momentum was moving very rapidly in one direction. It seemed like I was making the right decisions and like everything was on track.

I was acting from the past! I was not taking into consideration my experience and the reality of my present. Much of my time in the last year has been spent discerning what I want and how I need to be to get there. It is pretty obvious that if you want something there are contributions you can make to have the scales tip in the favor of that which you would like to create. There I was; working, toiling, late nights, early mornings; invested in my future or so I thought.

Alas it wasn't my future I was working on; someone else's future, someone else's dream had infiltrated my consciousness and taken over. How did I find myself here? How did I choose this for myself? Why did my teacher let me down? Where to go from here? What the FUCK am I doing with my life?

The questions weighed heavy on my mind for several weeks. Push came to shove and for a variety of reasons I left the studio in the middle of asana class; I came back that evening to gather my belongings and have not been back since. My teacher didn't want me back anyway... I'm too challenging of a student never taking the teachings at face value and holding them accountable. This training wasn't for me and neither was the co-dependent relationship I had created there. Here is the crux of the issue; I was still reliving the past identifying myself with the plight of another. This is positive, you say, and it can be when in the right circumstances and mental framework. I had just completely dumped my life and my ideals and everything I stood for to follow another. This proved to be unhealthy for me as time went on I found myself trying more and more to please this person. I started noticing that no matter what I did it wasn't enough to please the high demands and low output I was experiencing. I found myself with limited financial resources and no promise of any betterment of the situation in the future meanwhile the person I was working for always seems to have everything they needed although constantly crying to me about their financial situation.

I WORKED FOR OVER FOUR MONTHS and in the end the teacher DENIED me my training!!!
Power games and mind control games were used to manipulate me. I was being paid less than the minimum wage and the work I needed to do for the training had been completed; the teacher denied me my training and has still refused to have proper written communication with me even after I sent them several written letters seeking resolution. I chose to put myself in this situation; unknowingly but I have to take responsibility for not drawing out correct boundaries and setting limits with a taker. I was given all these insinuations that I would be part of something greater but in the end it wasn't my studio and its obvious that the owner's intention was to take advantage of my 'volunteering' / low cost work which included redesigning their website, newsletter, managing their mindbody system and generally doing anything online for the business and running errands all over town. I can't keep this shit to myself!!!! In the end its all been worth it because I learned some VERY valuable lessons in this situation! DO NOT DO TRADES WITHOUT CONTRACTS KIDS! 90% of the time you will be taken advantage of!!!! Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing! They are all over! Since leaving the studio every sign of me has been removed and everything has continued as though I was never there. I sure feel appreciated; NOT.

So there it is in black and white. No one should be expected to perform when the energy they are investing is in no way reciprocated. I immediately set out to correct the deviation from my chosen path and let go of the old chords that were holding my progress back.

As soon as I decided to follow my own light I got a serving job right away and other opportunities have been coming out of the woodwork. My relationships are improving and life is swell. My new job pays over three times what I was receiving for my contribution to the Yoga studio and I am resetting my whole life. Considering many different paths.

It feels good! I AM STILL ON THE RIGHT PATH FOLLOWING MY DHARMA!! I am still studying and practicing Yoga!

It is good to fine tune and sharpen one's resolve. I am now creating this great routine that will facilitate my goals reaching fruition. I jumped off the right track and sped into someone else's track. It has been simple to reboot this time. I have a better employment situation, my family is happier because I see them more often and I am happy because I am training by myself again.

I learned a valuable lesson recently. I am my own best teacher. Gut feelings are there for a reason. We are here to have the best time. Anything that does not feel good should be re-analyzed, re-worked and created anew.

I am now finishing my NASM Personal Training Certification. I'm at the gym 4-5 times a week weight training. I do Yoga erry day... really I get on my mat for serious practice 5+ times a week. I am building MY vessel and opening to my truth. I am liberating myself from my EGO and releasing myself into the flow of the world instead of trying to orchestrate everything. I am not sure where I will go. I am sure that the world is my oyster and know that awesome things are happening right now.

We are getting our nursery growers licence today and will have our greenhouse erected by the end of the year at which time I will be launching my private personal training business and if all goes to plan I will be starting the teacher training of my choice in October; still iffy on that. So working on our nursery business growing edible and ornamental plants, personal training and more Yoga Teacher Training! AND I am going to relaunch my blogs this year with the help of a super cool Yoga marketing sister! YAY!!!!!

Life goes on!
Beware of false prophets.

If there is any advice I can offer to aspiring teachers like myself is to see right through the HYPE. Just because someone says Namaste 5 times a day and wears the coolest Yoga pants does not mean they are made of peace or enlightened. At the end of the day there is no evidence of your integrity greater than your actions NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU HAVE PRACTICED. No certification can make you a better person. Realize that we are all human and choose your teacher's well. Just because someone has been in business forever does not mean their heart and soul is in it.

I contacted several people I really respect in the industry after I had this unfold and they all told me about similar experiences that they had in their own journeys. It seems all of them had to leave something similar behind in order to come to their full truth. Sometimes our teachers are here to teach us about our shadow side. Things we are not comfortable with that create disharmony within ourselves manifesting into our 'real' world to teach us. It is important to take responsibility and not act through victim consciousness when you find yourself in a disharmonious situation. Look at what you created and then simply correct it. Take ownership of your contribution. The best thing to do is always to take a step back and reset yourself so that you may see your chosen path more clearly without the influence of others who might lead you astray for their own goals.

At the end of the day I am forever grateful for the experience despite the negativity attached to this situation. You might think its crazy; I send this person blessings daily so that they might come to terms with the reality they create and correct their part of the equation otherwise they will continue to make the same mistakes with other students. You do what you can! I am now going into my future with my eyes WIDE open! I am now even more motivated to do my own thing! I feel capable and fulfilled, I am in love with my life and everything in it.

As always thanks for reading!

Be at peace!